How to Stop Your Destructive Conversations

All of us can get irritated and reactive with our partner when upset. When this happens, it can cause a chain reaction of volatility. If our relationship is insecure, these reactions turn into negative patterns of interactional behaviour. Some people typically criticize or blame, and others stone wall, avoid or shut down. We all need to defend or protect ourselves at times of distress, especially in an intimate relationship. However, when we feel secure in the relationship, the pattern is short-lived and overcome easily. When we are in a less secure relationship, the negative communication pattern can become habitual, toxic and undermining of the entire relationship. The destructive pattern can become so ingrained and overwhelming that we can feel hopeless about changing it.  When we don’t feel safe with our partner, we have to protect ourselves either by avoiding engagement by shutting down, or by becoming critical and fighting to be heard and understood. Read more here…