Are You Uncertain That Your Partner is a Grown Up?

All human beings share the primitive instinct that familiarity means safety and security, according to John Bowlby, the pioneering psychiatrist of attachment theory. Therefore, those children who were raised in families with an emotionally immature parent, will often be attracted subconsciously to an emotionally immature, egocentric partner, when they are older and start dating. Many girls may be attracted to ‘bad boys’ because the nice guys, who are considerate, seem a little boring. The same is true of guys who pursue the ‘wild girls’ because the nice girls were just not that fun. The intense familiarity that feels like strong chemistry, may set them on a roller coaster relationship that can eventually become emotionally or physically abusive. When you ask someone in an abusive adult relationship, to recall their dating period, they distinctly remember an event when they realized how self-centred their partner was. The instant chemistry they felt probably awakened the familiar experience of the emotionally immature parent, but it was not true secure love. Read more here…